he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
