so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
