Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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