It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
