Apparently you make a good broom.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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