Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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