Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
