Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
