The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
