she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
