Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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