I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
