I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
