maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
