We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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