i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
