just come out here and I will go home with you...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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