Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
