i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
