Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
