it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
True strength comes from lack of pants
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
