Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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