my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
