My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
