we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
