his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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