I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
