I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
