We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
