what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
