is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
