Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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