What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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