There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
