i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
