3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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