took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize