Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
