I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
