i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
