Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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