I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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