What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
