Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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