Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
