i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
