i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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