it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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