Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
