i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
