I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
not ubering you a puppy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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