You just made me feel so damn special
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
