"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Still dying that you shit outside
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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