I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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