I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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