I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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