i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
