I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
