I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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