I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
