I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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