when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
