Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
