could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
