What a fucking waste of an outfit
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
