Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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