You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
