there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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