But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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