today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Bring me that man meat
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
