I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he shaved USA in his pubs
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize