So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
