so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize