Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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