New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize