just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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