It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
