there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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