I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
