The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
