i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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