i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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