JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
