How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
