I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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