just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
