If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
