Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he told me I talked like a deaf person
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
