After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
