well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
