once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
