i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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