If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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