Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
