Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The uberlube is also flammable
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize