She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
