he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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