If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
