Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize