If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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