Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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