Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
