I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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