My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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