You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Drunk is a universal language darling
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize