oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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