when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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